Love messes with your head
I should never have slept with him.
Having sex with him was probably stupid enough.
We met in bar and within a few hours things had become so electric we booked into a hotel.
This was our first “date”.
Rose phoned up whilst we were in the middle of things. He explained to her we had gone to a hotel (I mean how surreal is that? Your in a bed with a guy and his wife phones and he DOESN’T lie about what he’s getting up to?)
She said “thats fine”
I wasn’t sure about that. I mean as woman I only say “fine” when things are anything but.
I have never been sure whether he was feeling guilty because she said “fine” or disappointed that she wasn’t more upset.
We didn’t spend the night together.
But we didn’t stop either.
People started to say I was “glowing”.
My best friend’s mum asked me if I’d had my hair cut?
Or had I lost weight?
You look great she said.
Sleeping with him. Actually sleeping with him. The intimacy of that non-sexual act. That was the killer.
We spent a whole Saturday together whilst Rose was away visiting her dad. And he said when I arrived it had to stop. It was getting too intense for him too.
That weekend we talked non stop. He cooked me dinner. We sat up all night making love and drinking wine and talking about everything and anything. We fell asleep in each others arms.
I’ve never felt anything like it.
I was utterly in love.
With two men.
It was a disaster. And beautiful at the same time.
I emailed him that week. I said I needed space. That I had fallen in love and it was messing my head up.
I was starting to fall apart at the seams and it wasn’t good.
Thing were okay for a little while.
I was up their way for a lecture and thought it might be a good idea to meet up with Rose. Make sure everything was okay.
It was. We had a great time. We went out drinking and falling out of bars and got on like a house on fire.
I don’t know if I was trying to get rid of my own guilt or what but I joked that since I had slept with her husband she should probably sleep with mine…
