The letter I never sent
Dear Matt,
You don’t want to talk to me again? Fine. But since I had to listen to you take all of your baggage out on me on Friday night then you can at least allow me the courtesy of responding to it.
First of all, this whole thing about me sending “inappropriate texts.” Just what exactly, under the circumstances is fucking appropriate?
I said to you the other week I wanted the pair of you to just back the fuck off but you told me you’d be “really sad” if you lost my friendship, that you “loved my banter” etc.
I probably wouldn’t have contacted you at all but for your insistence on how important my friendship was to both of you and for what I mistakenly took to be genuine concern.
DH and I talked about all of this and we both came to the decision that there wasn’t going to be any more sexual contact with either you or Rose. We both felt the situation had gotten too messy for everyone involved.
I told you all this on Monday and I thought you understood.
So I fail to see what was inappropriate. Since you were unable to be specific I can only assume you just said that because you were angry.
Perhaps you hoped you could fuck with my head?
Secondly. How dare you tell me I treat DH like shit?
Do I go out and do things when he has asked me not too? NO.
Do I tell him I find him unattractive? NO.
Do I deliberately try to hurt him? NO.
Do I keep secrets from him? NO.
On the other hand…lets see.
I respect him and his wishes on matters. I not only tell him but show him how amazing and attractive I think he is. I’m honest with my feelings as he is to me.
Yes occasionally this can be painful for both of us. But because we both trust and respect each other we both know we’ll pull through things far better by telling the truth than by bullshitting each other.
And we don’t do the blame thing either…
Seems ironic that this whole business seemed to start because Rose still blamed you for her and F ending
(this is a reference to an affair Mrs Matt had two years earlier)
and now conveniently you can both blame me for spoiling her fun.
For the record; as DH tried to explain to both of you on Friday night, he was far more put off by Rose whining at you and making bitchy comments to me than by anything else.
Sure I admitted to feeling jealous at times but there’s feeling jealous and being possessive and there is a big difference between the two.
DH is his own man and it’s demeaning to him for you to even suggest that his decisions are not his own.
And as for our “lifestyle” as you called it, not floating your boat.
Your twenty years of non-monogamy and your enthusiastic participation in events with both me and DH leaves that comment looking a bit hypocritical.
Unless you meant our lifestyle of being upfront, honest and treating people with a bit of respect?
In which case you have made it very obvious that is not “your thing”.
You were right about just one thing. I am incapable of ever being your friend. You fucked that up good and proper. You want to think badly of me go ahead, but I expected so much better from you. You’ve no need to worry about me being in touch again. I’ve got nothing left to say to you anyway.
Yours
Hypatia
*
Should I have sent it after all?
I’ll never know the answer to that question. Too much time has passed.
